i guess this diary entry business is going to take more space and time and energy than i thought, just because of the single more simplest trait that is more at ease with me than the other,,, the act of typing and not writing !!.. waaaah .. the Taachnology !!... Technologic-daft punk.. please pay it on .. i just shuffled my list to that song. going back into the main stream of vagueness of rhoughts, i do often wonder about the sleep, and the dream and the coincidence. the other day i saw this dream where a soulmatish friend of mine, with whom recently i had been in communication with ( through all the portals of comunication at one time or the other) for all of the the 24 hours, well we sorta sed .. aiiight.. this is not reality and we need to head our separate compass-ing directions. so no phone calls no chats no means of any telephatic communication either, and one day later i have this wierd dream.. this dream has all the freinds that reside in my city, all of them, even the ones who in REALITY of the open-ed eye haven;t hit base yet this year so haven;t seen them at all for a while. but in my dreamland... they were all there... and it was a mela. no it was a dilli haat scenographic moment... when as soon as i saw my one freind after a seriously long chase sequence and after seeing a lot of different bangles and a lot of people tying up my hair, when i finally had my friend in the frame, my father woke me up.
now i know coincidences happen and i certainly do give a lot of BHAO to them. !! .. its the sole interesting and Mysterious thing left in life, everything else is either figured out by chemistry or tEchnologics !!..but co incidence surpasses them all. coincidences through the dreamland are even more interesting. not that this interest leads me to identify its path and scrutinize its patterns so that i can predict these unpredictable coincidences, but for the mere fact that it happens. that's all i want !!.. probably that's where my materialistic evolution ends too !!.. because i'm at a stage where i dont WANT to instead of dont NEED to scrutinize and break down any further, i like it just the way it is, and they're no questioning above or below it.
i do at some point of time want to turn this feeling into a script and shoot about coincidences, and i hope this open ended write up helps me get that push start the next time i think about it and take me a step further to that goal.. of actually making everyone see the thought i am dreaming about !!,... dreaming.. punching that word itself is a coincidence.!!
does that mean that coincidence is patterned by our subconscious, or probably overshadowed aswell !?? am i scrutinizing it ?? should i ??
no .
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
ZIP it.
these random thoughts have been hitting my head, and i do take a liking to my inmates' diary entry, i.e., as soon as a crazy thought pops in the middle of the left and the right hemispere, jot it down , and dont forget to turn the page. it's a small note pad actually, the ones that many market bhaiyas often have and cut a receipt in order to save their taxes and mess up your parent's files. yup, it happens all the time, and i have been on so many infinitely many not-wanting-to-remember occasions gone back to indefinately plead and fight and sqeal and cry for them market bhaiyas to obey the laws of the land. see right now i dont know where this blog is going, all i know is that for some time now i have been contemplating of whether to write all this down in a notepad of myself or whether to (with all the ease it collects around it) type it out. the problem with the latter suggests two of the very important options that further lead me to ponder just a little bit more about the whole debate in my head. since i do not have some mysterious software, not so mysterious also actually, i just wanted to type in that word... probably coz it just indirectly contextualised with my subconscious, or probably coz i felt the key M on my finger tip and decided to press it and make up a word from then on. anyway the point of this trail was that software that i need to type in my diary entries or whatever nonsensical word you can give this piece of more than 500 words of an open ended answer to an oblivious question in the school english exam paper !! phew !!
how many full stops there, i hope someone's counting, ... that's why i want people to read this. !!
if nothign else !!
i've had this habit of thinking out real loud inside my head !!, unlike that one movie i saw on tv the other day, where the girl said every god damn thing that was on her mind... but for fuck sake i cant remember anything else about that movie right now, and that amount of strain of my head to actuallly follow that past tense path is just torture, its actually good exercise for the memory glands!! .. but ya, this is when i say i stopped runnning right after school ended !!... haah !!... so any sort of exercise from now on is shown the hand and this is what's written on the hand "i'm lazy now, knock the next door".
there sits a silly name in every corner of the world, and through the time lapse and the time gaps we always end up meeting in the virtuality and speak highly through our boredoms. our boredoms not in evertyday lack of action and ctivities as such since alll of us lead our own very unique hectic life with all the intoxicants of the peer and of the society hitting us day in n out, but the boredom is in the brain. the boredom has replaced the feeling of freedom in the brain. bore has replaced free and we have all succumbed to dum - ness. ouch . dat was the result of one of the stupid wise cracks. hope nobody ever gets that, since that is my trait, of crackin jokes that only i will laugh at through my grave because nobody will ever understand that tangent of the written or the spoken word, more of the spoken than the written if i may just be ever so just a little bit more precise in my arguement !!
i dont rest my case, the judge has resessioned the court proceedings for tomorrow same time. so i guess i'll yapper then...
how many full stops there, i hope someone's counting, ... that's why i want people to read this. !!
if nothign else !!
i've had this habit of thinking out real loud inside my head !!, unlike that one movie i saw on tv the other day, where the girl said every god damn thing that was on her mind... but for fuck sake i cant remember anything else about that movie right now, and that amount of strain of my head to actuallly follow that past tense path is just torture, its actually good exercise for the memory glands!! .. but ya, this is when i say i stopped runnning right after school ended !!... haah !!... so any sort of exercise from now on is shown the hand and this is what's written on the hand "i'm lazy now, knock the next door".
there sits a silly name in every corner of the world, and through the time lapse and the time gaps we always end up meeting in the virtuality and speak highly through our boredoms. our boredoms not in evertyday lack of action and ctivities as such since alll of us lead our own very unique hectic life with all the intoxicants of the peer and of the society hitting us day in n out, but the boredom is in the brain. the boredom has replaced the feeling of freedom in the brain. bore has replaced free and we have all succumbed to dum - ness. ouch . dat was the result of one of the stupid wise cracks. hope nobody ever gets that, since that is my trait, of crackin jokes that only i will laugh at through my grave because nobody will ever understand that tangent of the written or the spoken word, more of the spoken than the written if i may just be ever so just a little bit more precise in my arguement !!
i dont rest my case, the judge has resessioned the court proceedings for tomorrow same time. so i guess i'll yapper then...
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
homesick- train lyrics... please do listen to the song while u read them..
Homesick
So your tired of wakin up on empty
You left for something that ain't real
So you think a couple of familiar faces
is gonna turn it all around
You wanna be where they still pump your gas for you
where they remember your name
They think that you are some beauty queen
or somethin better
where they remember your name
Ain't it good to think about the weather
Doesn't seem to be time for that no more
It's hard to hear when you're busy sayin what you want said
Well what you want said, it ain't clear
You wanna be where they still open doors for you
It's not hard for them to remember you at all
They light your cigarette and tell their friends
you used to love them
Where they remember your name
More forgiveness
More time away from feelin like you do today
More forgiveness
More time away from feelin this way
It's easy when you laugh, reminds you of you
It's easy when it's easy, it still ain't easy at all
So you're tired of wakin up on empty
You left for something that ain't right, ain't right
You wanna be where they still pump your gas for you
where they remember your name
They think that you are some beauty queen
or somethin better
where they remember your name
More forgiveness
More time away from feelin like you do today
More forgiveness
More time away from feelin this way
i just read up on a lot of delhi gossip... and i can picture myself in the middle of maybe the close to the middle of te frame in the video of that.... only .. its a very journey song ,,,, so its just moving kinda slow in delhi... wsating time... racing on roads and flyovers.... sorta deal... with people and music day n night..... "question yourself are you really what you dream"... slides on by................ now u'r thinking .... TM... if and if ever u read this... u'll understand .. bt u never wantd to see.. n there's a reason for that... say what u want ... say wha u mean ... say who u are... n then we'll talk....
next song..
So your tired of wakin up on empty
You left for something that ain't real
So you think a couple of familiar faces
is gonna turn it all around
You wanna be where they still pump your gas for you
where they remember your name
They think that you are some beauty queen
or somethin better
where they remember your name
Ain't it good to think about the weather
Doesn't seem to be time for that no more
It's hard to hear when you're busy sayin what you want said
Well what you want said, it ain't clear
You wanna be where they still open doors for you
It's not hard for them to remember you at all
They light your cigarette and tell their friends
you used to love them
Where they remember your name
More forgiveness
More time away from feelin like you do today
More forgiveness
More time away from feelin this way
It's easy when you laugh, reminds you of you
It's easy when it's easy, it still ain't easy at all
So you're tired of wakin up on empty
You left for something that ain't right, ain't right
You wanna be where they still pump your gas for you
where they remember your name
They think that you are some beauty queen
or somethin better
where they remember your name
More forgiveness
More time away from feelin like you do today
More forgiveness
More time away from feelin this way
i just read up on a lot of delhi gossip... and i can picture myself in the middle of maybe the close to the middle of te frame in the video of that.... only .. its a very journey song ,,,, so its just moving kinda slow in delhi... wsating time... racing on roads and flyovers.... sorta deal... with people and music day n night..... "question yourself are you really what you dream"... slides on by................ now u'r thinking .... TM... if and if ever u read this... u'll understand .. bt u never wantd to see.. n there's a reason for that... say what u want ... say wha u mean ... say who u are... n then we'll talk....
next song..
Sunday, September 17, 2006
looking for something
point 1.
girl in a room smiling,
point 2.
girl looks up
point 3.
girl starts looking around
point 4.
looking hard now
point 5.
found it.
and the brother said.....
and i got stuck on this song today....
throwing candy out to the crowd
dragging down the main
the helpless little thing with the dirty mouth
who's always got something to say
you're sitting around at home now
waiting for your brother to call
i saw him down at the alley
having had enough of it all
said you can do what you want to whenever you want to
you can do what you want to there's no one to stop you
all spit and spite you're up all night and down every day
a tired man with only hours to go just waiting to be taken away
getting in to the back of a car for candy from some stranger
watching the parade with pinpoint eyes full of smoldering anger
you can do what you want to whenever you want to
you can do what you want to there's no one to stop you
now you can do what you want to whenever you want to
do what you want to whenever you want to
do what you want to whenever you want to
though it doesn't mean a thing
big nothing
i think i need to listen to this song everyday.
vanish
throwing candy out to the crowd
dragging down the main
the helpless little thing with the dirty mouth
who's always got something to say
you're sitting around at home now
waiting for your brother to call
i saw him down at the alley
having had enough of it all
said you can do what you want to whenever you want to
you can do what you want to there's no one to stop you
all spit and spite you're up all night and down every day
a tired man with only hours to go just waiting to be taken away
getting in to the back of a car for candy from some stranger
watching the parade with pinpoint eyes full of smoldering anger
you can do what you want to whenever you want to
you can do what you want to there's no one to stop you
now you can do what you want to whenever you want to
do what you want to whenever you want to
do what you want to whenever you want to
though it doesn't mean a thing
big nothing
i think i need to listen to this song everyday.
vanish
Saturday, September 16, 2006
kiss kiss bang bang. so i'm sitting trying to make a processor with tooo much of hard disk and very little ram to make my live trace happen on a 3000k file. (what was i thinkin..really, i shud just not even bother rackin my head with this.........) coming back to, so there's a monitor screen and i'm umm.. as Prez.Iyer sends chat message
2:38 AM rohit.iyer: http://rohitiyer.blogspot.com/
Have you seen Kiss Kiss Bang Bang?
If you haven't then watch it.
It's on Unsecure.
2:39 AM me: okie
on it
SIR
rohit.iyer: We can watch it together.
It'll be fun.
But we have to start at the same exact time.
So tell me when you're ready.
me: okiii... wait for 5 minutes then
rohit.iyer: Sure.
Aiiyye yayee Sir. and i did exactly as he said, copied the film of unsecure and played it on vlc player, exactly as i said. oops forgot to put in that little dialogue reference. screw me , maybe i woke up on the wrong side today.
2:46 AM me: done ... start ur VLC player .. noww
rohit.iyer: Cool.
hmmm Van kilmer movie i say, and why does robert downey Jr. sounds like a very familiar star movies movie cast name. shane black. pulp fiction. something's up. kiss kiss bang bang and the introduction starts with animation that caught my eye in a millliiii second. i like it. the clean, neat, the smiple shapes. the simple attitude, and, oops NARRATORS TALKING ........ shilpa's narrative course comes into my head, maybe this film can help me think about the whistling princess and her self proclaimed mythical position of acquiring the swayamvara (for those who never leave comments but maybe , just maybe crossing my fingers, rea this blog, or will stumble upon it,this is for your ease and comfort, the little detail. swayamvara, bride choosing the groom, and NOT the other way around... we're still cultured people!!, but then shilpa tells us even this is part of our culture coz even this word like so many others have all been picked up from the same sacred books. so whatver).. focus..
sorry.. for that little diversion.
2:55 AM rohit.iyer: You're watching right?
It's been about 10 minutes here.
2:56 AM me: 7 minutes
keep watchin
and some more of the dialogue conversation takin place between mr prez n me.
3:18 AM rohit.iyer: Liking it?
3:19 AM me: ahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
rohit.iyer: 30 minutes here.
me: 29,52
3:20 AM wtf...................... twist just happened
3:21 AM rohit.iyer: Yeah...
It's a crazy movie.
3:28 AM rohit.iyer: There's the gun...
3:29 AM me: ahaaa... n the lie
3:30 AM it didn't fall in the dustbin .. hash
rohit.iyer: Ha ha....
Wow.
Doris and Lucinda - ROFL!
GAY PERRY. characterization. plot mover actually. he's the one with the real controls . for all the twists and the turns. and he even has all the answers. well versed with words, grammer and the english language, 'badly' is an adverb and the meaning of IDIOT are some prime exaples of his intelligence. i like him. the character.
3:38 AM rohit.iyer: Ha ha ha ha ha..........
Done?
3:39 AM Done with Part 1
?
me: ya
rohit.iyer: Okay, starting Part 2.......
NOW
me: ok
3:44 AM rohit.iyer: Ha ha... He was looking for a kiss.
me: watch the film
"WRONG THROAT, WRONG GIRL, I'M SORRY".
i'm sorry but that when read in the head and out of context( sometimes we do that with subtitled movies, even though we're watchin, we're reasing more than we're seeing the film ... obviously..). but i wudve said .. ya, ok you win".. right there... thts some line.
but then again, thinking of it in the context of the scene et all, that just marked as one of the few moments,faded memories that will come to mind when i think of the ideal opposite character for me. youknow how, when you say a word, and the prime reason for the person receiving the sound waves to understand what you are talkng about is when that person relates that word with the same or similiar associations and meanings and memories and moments to fully understand the word that you spoke off. just like that.
3:52 AM me: wtf
rohit.iyer: don't get any crazy ideas now...
3:54 AM me: hahaha.. dog.
hahaha
rohit.iyer: We're safe.
4:01 AM rohit.iyer: Ha ha...
4:04 AM me: this wont take a second .. thats the first
rohit.iyer: Whoops.
4:07 AM This is fag and New Yorker. LOL.
4:08 AM HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAH HA HA HA HAA HA HA HA A..............................
4:12 AM me: oooooooooooooooooooooooooh my god
rohit.iyer: I thought it was a gay thing!
OUCH IS THE ONE AND ONLY WORD IN MY DICTIONARY AFTER WHAT HAPPENED TO HARRY WITH THE ELECTRIC PLUGS...........Ouch
4:16 AM me: ohhhhhhhhhhhh shit...they shot him
in the mean time, while i was watching the film, the final action scene, the big one that everyone's been waiting for, everyone from me, mr.pres., my friend sitting next to me and the actors in the movie, even they'd mentioned the big finale action shot with 16 men getting killed.
so the scene when she jumps of the bridge shouting for perry, and falls on the side steep hilly thing of the massive flyover, she calls on perry's phone which harry picks up the mushness of the film comes back to life. and happy gets up and goes about shooting just about everyone
"there, all done".
a magician.
so finally after watching the film, and after getting back to the chat that initiated the film, i went gooogling around for more information on the film. and guess what. everyone likes it. google-ly. all over... world wide web being the database counter.
the official site is http://www.kisskiss-bangbang.warnerbros.com
this is what one person said about the movie on rottentomatoes.com
A silly, self-reflexive lark oozing spitfire sarcasm and nonchalant cool.
4:26 AM rohit.iyer: Roll Credits.
me: thats a nice film
rohit.iyer: So... whadja think?
Yeah... it's actually "laugh out loud"
Unlike those other so called comedies.
A nice Noir spoof.
With great dialogue.
4:27 AM My favorite was the one about the definition of the word "idiot" in the dictionary.
:)
me: its amazin
no that was like JUST THE BEGINNING..
4:28 AM rohit.iyer: Glad you liked it.
My 2nd time watchin it.
me: ya... now i'm gna read up about it ..
hope u had fun, please watch this film.
thats all, go, vanish.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
KEEDA for the eye
sitting in the it lab, and i've decided to do ONLY KEEDA today.
maybe do some printing work later in the evening, but the point of the whole day is to sit in the it lab and do nothing that looks even remotely constructive,,,, and have fun :-)
( if only i knew i was going to do this the entire day, i wud've woken up earlier!!)
computers are all lined up... and if i move my neck a little more than usual, i can see what the person sitting infront in the alternate row). and
I CAN SEE HIS SCREEN.
general morals and courtesy... YOU DONT LOOK... no matter who's sitting next to you or infront of u facing their backs... looking and scrutinizing their screen and their virtual lives is not allowed. !!:-)
SO the story begins.... AND this is how devika and i saw it.
picture 1 - IT lab, this is what all we could see, and i did feel as if the whole it lab was just being used to do KEEDA that day, since i was doing my keeda and wheever i looked everyone else was also generally wasting THEIR TIME.
picture 2 - focus goes on one of the KEEDA-doers infront.. WHAT IS HE UPTO DUDE???
picture 3 - is that him.... HMMMM.. NO COMMENT this picture any further... (a lot of things will unnecessary be translated from my brain into words on this blog... general respect for a human is always necessary)
picture 4 - OOOOOH mY GODDDD.... WTF..... is that his face with four other extremely bimbo chiks.......... hmmmmmmmmmmm... this is where the real keeda starts... what is this human doing ??
picture 5 - i knew it.... from picture 2 i knew it.... i knew it was the orkut hyper mania.. what has happened ... the image has surpassed all boundaries and is taken as the most important... no more words... see the image and make yourself believe it as the reality. thats what GOOGLE IMAGE search does... and all the other search engines.
but is this it??
is this what people are doing nowadays... just everywhere.... all the time ... all around us.... in reality.... HMMMMMMMMMM... the next blog is more personal and for me ...... and duhhh for everyone else who's reading ... :)...
maybe do some printing work later in the evening, but the point of the whole day is to sit in the it lab and do nothing that looks even remotely constructive,,,, and have fun :-)
( if only i knew i was going to do this the entire day, i wud've woken up earlier!!)
computers are all lined up... and if i move my neck a little more than usual, i can see what the person sitting infront in the alternate row). and
I CAN SEE HIS SCREEN.
general morals and courtesy... YOU DONT LOOK... no matter who's sitting next to you or infront of u facing their backs... looking and scrutinizing their screen and their virtual lives is not allowed. !!:-)
SO the story begins.... AND this is how devika and i saw it.
picture 1 - IT lab, this is what all we could see, and i did feel as if the whole it lab was just being used to do KEEDA that day, since i was doing my keeda and wheever i looked everyone else was also generally wasting THEIR TIME.
picture 2 - focus goes on one of the KEEDA-doers infront.. WHAT IS HE UPTO DUDE???
picture 3 - is that him.... HMMMM.. NO COMMENT this picture any further... (a lot of things will unnecessary be translated from my brain into words on this blog... general respect for a human is always necessary)
picture 4 - OOOOOH mY GODDDD.... WTF..... is that his face with four other extremely bimbo chiks.......... hmmmmmmmmmmm... this is where the real keeda starts... what is this human doing ??
picture 5 - i knew it.... from picture 2 i knew it.... i knew it was the orkut hyper mania.. what has happened ... the image has surpassed all boundaries and is taken as the most important... no more words... see the image and make yourself believe it as the reality. thats what GOOGLE IMAGE search does... and all the other search engines.
but is this it??
is this what people are doing nowadays... just everywhere.... all the time ... all around us.... in reality.... HMMMMMMMMMM... the next blog is more personal and for me ...... and duhhh for everyone else who's reading ... :)...
a limited edition
C TOP - C... - Cake Lyrics - Building A Religion Lyrics
We are building a religion,
We are building it bigger
We are widening the corridors and adding more lanes
We are building a religion.
A limited edition
We are now accepting callers for these pendant keychains
To resist it is useless,
It is useless to resist it
His cigerratte is burning but it never seems to ash
He is grooming his poodle
He is living comfort eagle
You can meet at his location but you'd better come with cash
Now his hat is on backwards. He can show you his tattoos
He is in the music buisness he is calling you "DUDE!"
Now today is tomorrow and tomorrow's today
And yesterday is weaving in and out
And the fluffy white lines that the airplane leaves behind
Are drifting right in front of the waning of the moon
He is handling the money. He's serving the food
He knows about your party. He is calling you "DUDE!"
Now, do you believe in the one big sign?
The double wide shine on the boot hills of your prime
Doesn't matter if you're skinny. Doesn't matter if you're fat.
You can dress up like a sultan in your onion-head hat
We are bulding a religion. We are making a brand
We're the only ones to turn to when your castles turn to sand
Take a bit of this apple, Mr. Corporate Events
Take a walk through the jungle of cardboard shanties and tents
Some people drink pepsi. Some people drink coke. (coke)
The wacky morning d.j. says democracy's a joke.
He says now, "Do you believe in the one big song?"
He's now accepting callers who would like to sing along
He says, "Do you believe in the one true edge?"
By fastening your saftey belts and stepping towards the ledge
He is handling the money. He is serving the food.
HE IS NOW ACCEPT.................
Wait for the next post.... hahaha .. i did some crazy stupidity while this pic was loading..
been a while... and its been a while..... and a little more
so this is the starting yet again. this time finding my own blog became the worst of all time consuming heart - attack - failure - exercises. fine, so i got a little jealous - and felt a little worthless, when two of my friends are happy and going on with their blogs... rohit and sundaram. initially that's how i'd started it. end of the day, go and write a little to yourself, everyine and anyone.. but it got boring and dark and shady... so i left it...... . .. but am back again .. and am posting my eye.... in splurts of green and red.... ..
for what i've seen and understood in this week.. i think my eye is the perfect picture for this blog. i have learnt a lot.... but i wouldn't want to thank all the people concerned for helping me learn and unlearn soo many things about myself and them.
my brother, if ever he trips over my blog will understand exactly why i say this.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
its been a while
ya so last assignment happened.. even went home and came back twice in that month,,,, eveyrhting went fine ... dont think i want to put pictures etc of it ... the time has gone ..
..
but ..
..
some new things came up .. which are affecting my work...
i lost my grandmother... .. no i haven;t lost her yet.
i dont want to.
i have got two new fighter fish.
one is purplish .. and the other is maroon.
favourite things in the world.
i have two snails also.
but i lost my nani. i didn;t want to loose her. i dont think i have.
but then i have lost her.
she's not there in the room anymore.
she's not spoken about in any of the phone conversation at home.
she;s not spoken off
.
she is spoken of... but always as a legacy. nothing lesser.
but i've lost her.
i've become distant.
but i miss her. and i always will.
and i am angry, and i am sad,
simply because she promised me that she would never go.
and then i lost her.
i dont know what to do.
i am the entertainer.
the world is still upside down.
nothing has changed.
everything is just fine.
there's just a lot of salt water near my eyes.
..
my water snails have yellow shells.and they keep climbing the cylindrical tank, and they keep slipping down... but they keep climbing up... they slip and fall faster than when they are upside down and slipping... but they are always there. and swimmy the purplish fighter fish is always on an inspection. it worries too much for these snails. always goes swimming looking for food everywhere and coming back and whispering in their ears. its so active. and now that the marron fighter's in a little bowl next to it, its just got more and more to talk about.
..
i've lost my nani.
i've lost a lot of secrets that i'd kept with her. i dont even rmemeber them, but i know i kept them with her.
i've lost a lot of faith.
i've lost a lot of friends.
i've lost a lot of stories.
i've lost her .
i dont know where to find her.
she's gone without me.
she said she'd never go, but when i left, she had decided to break the promise already. she knew i wasn;t going to go forever, and i came back to meet her so often, but that for her was simple torture. maybe she wanted to forget me, because she knew i couldnt help but stay away.i was forced to. so my nani left me. left me with no clues where to find her.
the other day i was walking in the city, and i saw her. i swear i saw her... she must;ve realised, and she changed herself into a man, but forgot to put on her wig, because i saw her hair. i do rmemeber her hair. it was soft, and silky, and grey and white and black. i rmemeber it well.
i dont want her to go. but she's already left.
noone else really understood and the few who did, went into their own shells. so i never got to see her... one last time. i didnt see her.i want to meet her. i want to meet her right now. i want my nani really badly. she was all i had...
the snail's eating food. the snails haven;t eaten for days and they're finally eating. this is good. i'm going to take good care of them and make sure they grow up. and then i'll put them in a bigger pond, where they'll have more place to SNAIL-ly walk around.
maybe nani just went to a bigger pond.
but i still lost her.
and i feel terrible.
..
but ..
..
some new things came up .. which are affecting my work...
i lost my grandmother... .. no i haven;t lost her yet.
i dont want to.
i have got two new fighter fish.
one is purplish .. and the other is maroon.
favourite things in the world.
i have two snails also.
but i lost my nani. i didn;t want to loose her. i dont think i have.
but then i have lost her.
she's not there in the room anymore.
she's not spoken about in any of the phone conversation at home.
she;s not spoken off
.
she is spoken of... but always as a legacy. nothing lesser.
but i've lost her.
i've become distant.
but i miss her. and i always will.
and i am angry, and i am sad,
simply because she promised me that she would never go.
and then i lost her.
i dont know what to do.
i am the entertainer.
the world is still upside down.
nothing has changed.
everything is just fine.
there's just a lot of salt water near my eyes.
..
my water snails have yellow shells.and they keep climbing the cylindrical tank, and they keep slipping down... but they keep climbing up... they slip and fall faster than when they are upside down and slipping... but they are always there. and swimmy the purplish fighter fish is always on an inspection. it worries too much for these snails. always goes swimming looking for food everywhere and coming back and whispering in their ears. its so active. and now that the marron fighter's in a little bowl next to it, its just got more and more to talk about.
..
i've lost my nani.
i've lost a lot of secrets that i'd kept with her. i dont even rmemeber them, but i know i kept them with her.
i've lost a lot of faith.
i've lost a lot of friends.
i've lost a lot of stories.
i've lost her .
i dont know where to find her.
she's gone without me.
she said she'd never go, but when i left, she had decided to break the promise already. she knew i wasn;t going to go forever, and i came back to meet her so often, but that for her was simple torture. maybe she wanted to forget me, because she knew i couldnt help but stay away.i was forced to. so my nani left me. left me with no clues where to find her.
the other day i was walking in the city, and i saw her. i swear i saw her... she must;ve realised, and she changed herself into a man, but forgot to put on her wig, because i saw her hair. i do rmemeber her hair. it was soft, and silky, and grey and white and black. i rmemeber it well.
i dont want her to go. but she's already left.
noone else really understood and the few who did, went into their own shells. so i never got to see her... one last time. i didnt see her.i want to meet her. i want to meet her right now. i want my nani really badly. she was all i had...
the snail's eating food. the snails haven;t eaten for days and they're finally eating. this is good. i'm going to take good care of them and make sure they grow up. and then i'll put them in a bigger pond, where they'll have more place to SNAIL-ly walk around.
maybe nani just went to a bigger pond.
but i still lost her.
and i feel terrible.
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